


Be the One Who Breathes Life in this Heart of Mine

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Feels Like Heaven [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So he would just hold on, like he always did, for as long as she let him.  With Olivia one just never knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be the One Who Breathes Life in this Heart of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all already knew I was Tuckson trash. I've been playing with them in an AU for a while now and last night’s episode brought it into canon for me. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the episode but was so glad to see Ed Tucker there. The title comes from the Peter Cetera song, Next Time I Fall. Also, in my head Ed Tucker has a whole life, kids, dog, ex-wife, favorite song…you name it and I've probably thought of it.

“I seriously don’t think you need to hold me so tight.”

“Can you breathe?” he asked.

“Yes.” Olivia nodded.

“Then there is nothing left to discuss.”

“I can breathe by the skin of my teeth, Ed. Loosen the Kung Fu grip.”

Laughing a bit from his belly, Ed did what she asked. He didn’t want to let go too much because he needed to feel her close. It wasn’t that Ed feared losing Olivia today. She was strong, perceptive, professional…she would get herself and the victims out of this alive. There was still that rock in the pit of his stomach. Home invasion, sexual assault, gunfire, idiot guy tweaking out of his mind, cop; it could've been worse. 

Liv had been through enough but would never look at herself in the mirror and see a hero. All she would think about was what she couldn’t do like stop a teenage girl from being raped or her father from being shot. Ed didn’t think he would be able to console her or make it right. That tore him apart on the inside. So he would just hold on, like he always did, for as long as she let him. With Olivia one just never knew.

“Is Ronin going to be alright by himself?” Liv asked sitting up some. Her head had been resting on his chest. She alternated between trying not to cry and not to sleep. She wasn’t ready to close her eyes yet, there was still too much to process.

“I appreciate your unflappable concern for my dog but Sean is home…Ronin is fine.”

“And Sean doesn’t need you for anything?”

“He's nineteen years old, Liv, he's probably thrilled I'm not home. Hey, if you want me to go then I’ll just go. That’s not what I want but if you do…”

“No.” she shook her head before resting it on his chest again. His heartbeat, the rise and fall of Ed’s chest while breathing, would always be a comfort. Olivia needed that tonight. “I know you have a life too. I don’t want to keep you away from it.”

“I don’t have a life.” Ed smirked.

“You do, and it doesn’t revolve around taking care of me.”

“You want to know why it doesn’t? Because you won't let it. I'm not going to give you trouble about it but please don’t act like I don’t get this close,” Ed held his thumb and forefinger close together. “And you're pushing me back to arm’s length. I roll with the tides or I drown.”

“I just…” Liv sighed. Now she was holding onto him a little tighter.

“We don’t have to do that tonight, in fact I insist that we don’t. There are much better distractions if that’s what you're aiming for.”

Liv wasn’t aiming for anything, she was just happy to be alive. The nightmares would surely come next. Those would be followed by questioning every move and decision she made, its cause and effect, ad nauseum. She put herself in danger, her team and her son. Had she been behind a desk so long that she was losing her touch on the street? That was something she would over think no matter how much she tried to stop herself over the next few months.

“What would you do, Ed?” she asked. “What would you do if I didn’t hold you at arm’s length?”

“I'd love you madly. In other words, very little would change.”

“How dare you?”

“How dare I what?”

“How dare you be who you are? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were a douche; I could spot you at a thousand paces.”

“Wow, OK.” He kissed her forehead. “I'm usually totally against being thrown off the beaten path too. Maybe I am getting soft in my old age.”

“Oh no Captain, you're about as hardcore as they come. What you did out there today was amazing. I never expected you to jump right in with both feet, to do the negotiations yourself. Why didn’t you tell me that you still take the refresher twice a year?”

“You’d already slept with me. I only use that line to get women in bed.”

“Ed.” Liv laughed, putting her chin on her hand so she was looking at him. “I'm serious.”

“It never came up. You know what did come up, just a few minutes ago in fact, was that I love you. Do you wanna talk about that?”

There were lots of places Ed Tucker never expected to find himself. Lying in bed with Olivia Benson on a rainy night was probably pretty close to the top of the list. Had he imagined maybe being lucky enough to sleep with her? Yes. And damn near any straight man who said he hadn’t would be lying. 

She was a beautiful woman. She was beautiful and tough and pulled no punches. He also thought she was a damn good cop. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t have the best luck with partners and was loyal damn near to a fault. But what man wouldn’t want a woman like that in his corner. 

Olivia would burn it down for a man she loved, platonically or otherwise. Ed Tucker wanted to be that man…one of those men. He didn’t mean to fall in love with her and managed to deny the feelings for quite a while. She was running a squad on her own, she had a small child, she might be sleeping with an ADA; there were a plethora of reasons to back off. 

He wasn’t her type. They hadn’t gotten along for years, though things had softened recently. She certainly wasn’t the casual sex type, Olivia Benson went at nothing half-ass. If he was going to make a move, and not be turned down flat, Ed had to be prepared to be in it. He hardly knew how to do that. 

He had been divorced for close to a decade and never had a serious relationship after. He lived and breathed the NYPD, making it all the way to Captain. He wanted to be the best father to his kids, 19, 16, and 14…that didn’t make for a lot of extra time in his life. He liked his whiskey and his quiet and the occasional beautiful brunette on the pillow next to him. 

But he was sure Olivia Benson was the kind of woman you fell in love with. There was no middle ground; he either needed to go big or go home. So Ed took the risk. He was holding the reward in his arms tonight.

“I'm so very fond of you.” She kissed his lips.

“You know I think I said that to Ronin the other night.” He smiled.

“He's a damn fine dog.”

“So am I apparently.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, Liv.”

God, there were so many things she wanted to say to him. She probably had for some time but couldn’t put it all together. It wasn’t often that Liv’s relationships with people changed. They would come and go, sometimes that hurt like hell. But she either grew to love you or the opposite was true. 

And if it was the opposite then very few things would turn that around. So imagine her shock when she wanted to kiss Ed Tucker. Imagine her shock when he sang Billy Joel in her car or told her that he actually enjoyed Neil Gaiman books. His smile made her smile and Noah warmed to him almost immediately. Who was a better judge of character than a toddler? 

Ed was a good father and loved his Labrador retriever that the kids named Ronin. He was so much more than an IAB stooge and that was hardly fair to her. How dare he suck at first impressions and have her fooled all these years? And my God, in bed. There was a lot of sweat, some swearing, and even occasional tears. 

Liv had her share of lovers over the years, she wasn’t a nun and that was OK. With Ed she was in a suspended state of bliss. He was strong and sure and sometimes he would laugh when he fucked her and it never made him come too soon. For as serious as he was at work, he was relaxed in his life. He was an aging divorced man who seemed to seamlessly fit himself into Olivia Benson’s very busy and full life. He cared if she lived or died though not for the same reason as Fin, Dodds, or even Barba.

“I don’t want to go to sleep.” She said, brushing the other things aside. It wasn’t the time. He knew that even if he'd brought it up.

“You can take an Ambien in a little while, maybe a Xanax too. You need to sleep, Liv. That’s not just an option to take under consideration. Since you don’t have to go to the precinct tomorrow you can sleep as long as you like.”

“Noah…”

“I’ll take care of Noah; I'm getting good at it. I’ll get him up, washed, dressed, and feed him breakfast. We’ll play a bit while waiting for Lucy to come and get him for school. It’s not a problem in the least. I'm looking forward to spending a little time with him.”

“No Who songs, Ed. My two year old doesn’t need to be singing about teenage wasteland.”

“ _Baba O’Riley_ is a classic song. Not to mention that just a week ago you two were dancing to a Busta Rhymes song; I haven’t forgotten that. I enjoyed it. But fine, we’ll listen to the Sesame Street record. I didn’t want to tell anyone but I think the Ernie and Bert song is pretty cool. It’s got a nice riff.”

“You're crazy.” Liv laughed.

“That’s something I came by honestly.”

“Would it be considered alcoholic if I washed down a Xanax and an Ambien with some wine?”

“In some circles.” Ed nodded.

“What about in this circle?” she asked.

“After all that happened tonight it wouldn’t be unexpected. You just don’t want to make a habit out of it.”

“I'm gonna check on Noah, and pour a nice glass of wine.” She sat up in the bed and turned back to look at him. “Are you ready for bed?”

“I could sleep.”

“And Sean knows you're out all night?” Liv asked.

“I’ll text him a reminder.” Ed picked up his phone from the nightstand. “He's definitely going to want to know that I won't make dad curfew.”

“You're teasing me.”

“Yes, I am.”

She turned and looked at him. There were so many words, right on the tip of her tongue. Talking to him hadn’t been a problem since this whole thing started but it was too much tonight. Olivia put her hand down on the comforter; Ed put his on top of hers. They sat that way for a few moments and just shared the energy. Tomorrow would bring heavy burdens to bear, she wondered if it was possible to push them aside tonight. It might be a tall order but the tender look on Ed’s face made Liv want to try.

“Yes.” She nodded.

“Yes what?” he asked.

“Just yes. OK?”

“Absolutely.”

***


End file.
